Leaving my career and relocating to Tampa was marked the beginning of a significant life change (workopause?). I’m sure that it is significant in size but it may be too soon to tell if it is significant in meaning. Will I follow my dreams and truly craft the life that I desire or will I just become a broke slacker? Possibly both. But I believe that the truth lies in version of the story that I tell others and that I tell myself. I may not truly believe it yet, but I do believe that I need to.

Freedom from the 9-to-5

Pro: The pros here are endless. For me, I love that I can wear what I want to wear, that I don’t have to fight rush hour, and that I can go to the grocery store at 10:30 AM on a Tuesday. It’s easy to make long weekends and I largely set my own schedule. I love it!

Con: I found it surprising that a few months into funemployment I realized that my boyfriend and I needed some structure. While we were accomplishing what we needed to do and completing tasks, it often felt panicked and rushed. We were rewarding ourselves with hours of relaxing time without putting in the work first. Since, we’ve laid down some extremely basic and seemingly obvious house rules that help to frame the day.

No paycheck

Con: No biweekly paycheck is largely a con. I have found waiting for a small business to take off to be frightening. You have estimates and projections but nothing beats the predictability of a paycheck from an employer that you’re confident is not going to fire you or lay you off. Furthermore, it is difficult to edit the lifestyle that decent and regular pay provides. Luckily, Tampa does not have a Filene’s Basement.

Pro: This is less of a pro and more of a paper-thin silver lining. I appreciate the money that we earn. Every dollar that we bring in from the business or part-time jobs is appreciated. Every tip in the jar is celebrated. I’ve been comfortable in salaried jobs most of my working life. While I got paid for my deliverables and promoted for doing them well, I also sat around a lot. I felt I was getting paid just to show up. That’s a great thing but I couldn’t help but feel imprisoned by it.

My life is very different, now. On many days, I’m sad and scared because of the uncertainty of my financial future. I know that I could return to my career and full time work if needed, but I’m not ready to play those cards, yet.

On many days I can honestly look at my life now and see that I am happier and more content because even though its not a great life, it’s truly mine. No conformity.  No phoniness.

September 2011: Quit my job
October 2011: Moved from DC to Tampa
November 2011: With my boyfriend, started a business
December 2011: started bartending part-time
February 2012: started a part-time job as a wellness attendant at the Tampa YMCA; still bartending occasionally; still managing a small business; still pooped

It sounds simple when I write about the past few months in an abbreviated timeline. It’s been exciting but stressful.

The Small Business: To borrow restaurant terminology I learned from Top Chef, my boyfriend is a front-of-the-house person. While he installs gate equipment, chats with suppliers and flirts with condo property managers, I’m doing the behind the scenes work of managing finances, marketing, and staying on top of government filings. While I don’t have a personal passion for the gate and fence industry, I’ve loved learning how to start a business. I’m making an investment in our financial future and learning skills that will help me run my own business in the future.

The Wellness Job: About a year ago, exasperated from frustration with my career, I sat down to figure out what I wanted to do next. Between career exercises, personality tests, a hoard of blogs dedicated to helping one “find their passion,” and looking back on what led me to my previous jobs I came to the conclusion that I wanted to become a wellness coach. This is an industry that doesn’t have a fixed standard for qualifications. Private certifications exist, some of which I believe will be helpful, but nothing is required. Anyone can call themselves a wellness coach. This is a blessing (I do not want to pursue another degree right now) and a curse (how will I know when I’m ready). My wellness job at the YMCA is part of my self-guided education. I will be coaching people on their exercise plans and will also have the opportunity to become a personal trainer.

The Bartending: I have always secretly fantasized about bartending, but never pursued it. My funemployment, or my funder-employment, provided the opportunity to give it a shot. I needed part-time work that left most of the business hours available for our business. I currently work on an on-call basis, but I hope to find something more permanent soon.

So I’m working. I’m making some money. I’m getting experience to help support my future business. I’m enjoying myself but it is often difficult.  We often feel alone in running a new business.  For me, in taking a road less traveled means taking the time to forge a path though the weeds and fallen branches of unknown fears.  While I don’t expect life on a silver platter I often wish writing my own script was easier.

Dearest 2011:  There were many times in the past year where I longed for your demise. You brought me more tears and anxiety-fueled depression than any year prior.  The record was previously held by 1991 – my freshmen year of high school.  Congratulations, you sloppy whore.

That was a bit harsh.  Now that you are two days in the past I can look back at our time together with a little perspective. During your tenure, I loathed a perfectly good job in a career I had chosen, I disliked an apartment I had recently moved into, and I was learning to live with someone for the first time in my life.  It was difficult.  My mind lost what had seemed to be a fairly solid footing between my reality and my goals.  I had never felt more lost.

In the end, I left my job because it made me unhappy.  I moved to Tampa to invest in the future of my relationship.  These were extremely difficult decisions to make.  My unbalanced mind was swimming, almost drowning in fear.  I feared quitting my job.  I feared leaving DC.  I even feared living with someone despite being in love.

Then again 2011, perhaps I just didn’t understand your leadership style.  I’ve never taken to a tough-as-nails-you’ll-thank-me-later approach. I like hand-holding and slow and gradual change.  Baby steps.  Push me off the diving board and I will forever remember you as mean, curse your lousy attitude, and pity your friends.

But now, safely in 2012, I am thanking you for bringing love into my life, for bringing me closer to family, for helping me see how wonderful my friends are, and for helping me get closer to a meaningful and fulfilling life that is truly my own.

Sincerely,

lix